Sorry about the delay on this blog (I claimed it was going to be posted on Saturday). I wrote about half of it on friday night and just finished it not too long ago. Let me first clarify how unqualified and how ridiculous it is for me to write a blog about husbands and wives. First off, I am not a husband nor am I anywhere close to meeting the criteria of what it means to be a husband. In other words, I’m single . Second, I haven’t even had a girlfriend since the 9th grade which was two years before my salvation. I have no experience being romantically involved with a godly woman ever and therefore do not have any first hand experience in the matter.
So why am I going to write this blog anyway? Well the main reason is because God’s word happens to give objective information on what it is to be a godly husband or wife that is independent of any first hand experience I could have. Therefore, it matters very little that I am lacking experience. Being encouraged by the things God’s word has been teaching me on the matter of husbands and wives over the course of a month or two, I thought I would share with my audience. I realize this is a vast subject and I intend only to lightly break the surface.
Anxiety about my future is often high and one of the things I find myself being most anxious about is marriage. Every time I find myself being anxious I try to stop and pray about the matter right there and then. I have written a note on facebook that is actually more clear on my anxieties so I won’t go into it here but you can check it out if you haven’t already. Because I found myself being so concerned with marriage, I thought it most prudent to find out what scripture has to say on the matter. I found passages concerning the origin of marriage, God’s purpose for it, and what a godly marriage looks like from both the perspective of a husband and a wife.
God ordained the institution of marriage back in Genesis as you most likely know with the ever so familiar “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” God, throughout scripture, uses marriage as an illustration of His covenant with His people. You can see this best in the Old Testament in Hosea 2:14-23 where God says of Israel, “I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, And you shall know the Lord” and best in the New Testament in Ephesians 5:22-32 where you see a husband’s likeness to Christ and a wife’s likeness to the church. This is a beautiful “mystery” as it is called in the New Testament. It is obvious if I am to understand anything about the positions of a man and wife I am first to understand their bond to each other and the purpose of that bond. This picture that is displayed by God towards man shows us that the husband is to be the head, give himself for his wife, and love his wife as his own body. The wife is to be a submissive helper and encourager. These are tall orders and are big shoes to fill. When I read “give himself for his wife” I was hit hard by the level of love this described. The calling I have as a husband to the woman I would marry is to love her with such a love as Christ had for the church. I must love her sacrificially, selflessly, and wholly. That in my book is a very tall order that must be taken seriously. On the other hand, you have a wife who is to be “submissive” not because she is in anyway a lesser person or because he is better. She is to be submissive because the Lord has commanded that this is His will for the wife to willingly and obediently submit to the husband. Her submission is to be “as to the Lord” because the husband is the head as Christ is the head. Yet another tall order that must be taken equally serious to those who seek to be wives. The complimentary system that is set up here is absolutely beautiful when working correctly. The husband and the wife are as one as Christ is with the church and they love each other and serve each other and its all so fantastically awesome! So now that I have scratched the small surface on marriage and the duties of wife and husband what does this mean practically to someone single like me?
That has been the hard part about all of this. In order to get to the place before marriage, you must be have the balls to ask a girl out (I'm lacking sometimes) and be dating her for awhile. Let be honest, these days there aren't many parent arranged marriages so dating SEEMS the avenue to take. However, there is no place in the Bible that says anything about dating. Nowhere does it give me the specifics I long to have. Rather I have been in thanksgiving and have been content in what the Lord has shown. Because it is not specifically written, “You shall go and take her out for coffee on the first date and to a movie on the second date” or “You shall always offer to pay and adorn her with many gifts” or “You shall propose after two years and once you have solidified a job for yourself.,” I am made to be completely and utterly reliant on the Lord by way of prayer. I am thankful as all the prayer that has been surrounding this issue has drawn me closer to Christ and given me a greater understanding of His will for me in this area. For now I am learning to be more like this man called “husband.” Jesus is teaching me to serve the church sacrificially and wholly with great love. Jesus is preparing me to lead by first cleansing me by the washing of the word. Jesus is showing me the greatness of the love He has for me, that I may one day mirror it to that of the love for my wife. It’s a complicated situation and I’m ok with that for now. I don’t know how it will happen or even if it will ever happen. I do know one thing though. I know that His grace is sufficient for me and though I do not understand the road in front of me I will follow the light. Ok…so that’s two things that I know.
Though most of you who read this are single I would like any kind of feedback if you are in a relationship or married. *Cough* Ben please say something helpful for me please *Cough*.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
bro,
I'd say you have a better understanding of your future role in a marriage than most men who have been married for years. you get it -- which to me is all the more reason to pursue marriage with confidence. indeed, it may not be the Lord's desire for you right now, but I would plan on it and pursue it if it is your desire.
It's not her job to find you. Implelement your reformed theology -- Jesus seeks US. So go seek yourself a bride, because you don't want any girl who comes seeking after you. Ladies are meant to be pursued. But I mean, use some common sense. If you don't know any girls who meet the wife criteria well, or if they don't know you well enough to see that you meet the husband criteria, than don't go chasing too fast. Just scope the scene out and spend time with godly girls in a group setting.
I know the Bible doesn't offer many prescriptions for partner choosing before marriage. it does speak to engagement, though. joseph and mary's story is a great example of godly betrothal. but as for dating...
I wouldn't personally pursue any girl individually unless she was quite certainly wife material. Dating is not a good time to find that out. Friendships and group observation of her life and faith are a better place. If you wait until you date to figure out if someone is worth marrying, you will both get hurt. Likewise, if you date someone who you think is worthwhile with no plan or timeframe for marriage, you will probably be tempted to sin, unless you are asexual. If you are asexual, you should probably not get married.
=)
so i say it is a balance of patience and pursuit. you patiently wait while you look around and cultivate friendships. you don't date people like the world dates -- shopping around, experimenting, etc. and when you see what you want and when you and she alike know each other well enough to trust each other's character, then you pursue. and you only pursue when you know what you are after -- marriage -- and when you are after it -- as soon as possible, if the Lord permits.
i took my own advice -- at least in the last year of my life as a single man. so i will stand on my own experience and commend it to you.
believe that the Lord has good things for you, man! ps 84:10-11
we'll be praying for your wife,
ben
Thank God for brothers like yourself Ben. Your comments were very helpful. I can't believe of all the connections I've been making I didn't see the "Jesus seeks US". That one was certainly staring me in the face. I remember once reading something you wrote along the lines of "Men, against design, are lazy and prefer not to lead; women, against design, prefer to lead. That's a gross generalization, but I believe it is true." I completely agree with this. One of my great fears is that I will not be the man called me to be and I will not lead well. Someone told it to me like this though, "Hey man, atleast your scared of these mistakes and well aware of them. Some people aren't even considering what you are. My advice is stay scared." I thought that was good advice also. Thanks again for your prayers and your advice.
Post a Comment